Appendix
When You Hear Yourself Say
This book was built to be opened where you are standing. The left column is something you might hear yourself say. The right column says where to turn.
| When you hear yourself say | Open |
|---|---|
| Someone at church is hurting me, or my child. | Chapter Two, now. Then Chapter Eight. |
| My pastor is the one hurting me. | Chapter Two, now. Not Chapter Six. |
| My church covered it up. | Chapter Two. Then Chapter Eight. |
| My child was hurt by someone at church. | Chapter Two, now. Report first. |
| I'm afraid to leave. They say I'll lose everything. | Chapter Two. Then Chapter Eight, "Coercion and control" and "Shunning those who leave." |
| I can't tell if what's happening is abuse. | Chapter Two, "What harm looks like." Tell someone outside. |
| I'm just bored. | Chapter Five, "Boredom and restlessness." Then Chapter Six. |
| I don't like the music. | Chapter Five, "Style." |
| I'm curious about another church. | Chapter Five, "Curiosity." Then Chapter Four. |
| I love my church, but I don't really know what it teaches. | Chapter Nine, "If you inherited your faith." |
| I don't know the Bible. | Chapter Nine, "If you inherited your faith." |
| Does the devil have anything to do with this? | Chapter Two, "Name the enemy." |
| I never chose this faith. My parents did. | Chapter Six, "When the faith was never your choice." |
| My teenager is pushing back on church. | Chapter Six, "If you are the parent of a teenager who pushes back." |
| My church is too strict. Or: My church is too loose. | Chapter Six, "Tight churches and loose ones." |
| I saw a video that says the church hid books from the Bible. | Chapter Five, "The church hid this from you." |
| The church down the road has more for my kids. | Chapter Five, "A program." Then Chapter Six, "The household." |
| Someone hurt my feelings and I can't face them. | Chapter Five, "A hurt not yet spoken." Then Chapter Six, "How to have the conversation." |
| My pastor said something political I can't stand. | Chapter Five, "When politics comes into it." Then Chapter Seven, "When a church has put something else at its center." |
| I'm not being fed. | Chapter Six, "Feeling unfed." |
| My church changed. | Chapter Six, "A change in teaching." |
| My spouse wants to stay and I want to go. | Chapter Six, "The household." |
| Our church is voting to leave the denomination. | Chapter Six, "When the church itself divides." |
| My church teaches something I can't believe. | Chapter Six, "A difference on a must." Then Chapter Seven, "When the church requires what your conscience forbids." |
| I'm not sure my church still believes the gospel. | Chapter Seven, "When the gospel itself is denied." |
| No one can tell our pastor anything. | Chapter Seven, "When leadership cannot be corrected." |
| I think God is calling me somewhere else. | Chapter Seven, "When you are called elsewhere." |
| We're moving. | Chapter Ten. |
| When you hear yourself say | Open |
|---|---|
| I'm thinking of becoming Catholic, or Orthodox, or Protestant. | Chapter Four. Then Chapter Ten, "If you are crossing from one tradition to another." |
| I'm Catholic (or Orthodox). Can I change parishes? | Chapter Four, then Part Three. |
| I'm staying, but I'm not sure why. | Chapter Nine, "When staying is borrowed." |
| I'm staying because I'm afraid. | Chapter Two first. Then Chapter Nine, "When staying is borrowed." |
| I've decided to stay. Now what? | Chapter Nine. |
| I've decided to go. How do I do it right? | Chapter Ten. |
| I'm looking for a new church. | Chapter Ten, "Finding the next church," and the visit questions at /dmi/visit/. |
| I haven't been to church in years. | Chapter Ten, "If you are coming back." |
| I'm not sure I still believe. | Chapter Ten, "If you are coming back." Then Chapter One. |
| I can't go back to church. Not yet. | Chapter Eleven. |
| I left years ago and still feel guilty. | Chapter Eleven, "If you still feel guilty." |
| Doesn't Hebrews say I have to go? | Chapter Eleven, "Returning, or not yet." |
| Everyone has an opinion about what I should do. | Chapter Twelve. |
| Does it even matter where I go? | Chapter Three. Then Chapter Twelve. |
The table does not replace the book, and the book does not replace the Scriptures or the people who know you. It has one purpose: to put you in front of the right page in the time it takes to ask.